i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
