garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
