Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
