sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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