I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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