And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
