Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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