No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
