you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
