So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pants are for mortals
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
