I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize