It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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