he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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