fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Randomize
