So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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