we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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