i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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