Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
