We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
