The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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