I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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