I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
