Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
and you said cock pushups were impossible
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
