My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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