I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He better not be in your backpack
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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