you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
