I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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