....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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