i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
