I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
