mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
