I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
