one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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