Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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