he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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