i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
