Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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