ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize