He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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