I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize