I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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