do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
