He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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