Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
