You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
