dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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