Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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