I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
