Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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