dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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