Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
