operation have a gay friend backfired
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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