Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
