Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
