if i can run in heels then i can drive
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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