I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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