dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
