my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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