my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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