So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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