we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I understand Curling. That high.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
