if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
