Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
