I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
that's an acceptable place to lick
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
