Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
