I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize