I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
