What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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