If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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