Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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