i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
