What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Randomize
