just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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