last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
