I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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