Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
vagina is talking i cant
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
