and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
